An Ending Marks A New Beginning

A new phase of my life just started a couple of days ago …  2 years seems to pass by in a blink of eyes and now I have completed my TA life. I have experienced quite a bit, and there were quick a number of first time. I liked the programme from the bottom of my heart and recommended it. It was a good experience I must say.

I have never loved my work so much, no doubt there were tears and late nights but we all grow and learn from it. Morphed from a gal who will wilfully buy an air ticket first then seek for approval to now, I am so serious about my work.  

Is a pity certain relationship cannot be maintained, from the bottom of my heart I think you are a mentor to me also, however, I am quite shocked in our last conversation. When I asked what I asked … I was holding the feeling of two years working together and the feeling of things are coming to an end after 2 years, but the answer given was really a little too surprising and it just kept appearing in my mind until recently.

Am I really such a person? I just want to do my best and don’t want things to drop / fall apart. Little did I expect, that was how it was being perceived. Maybe that is me but I just never realise it? But as of now, never once did I do things with such intention (at least consciously), that’s why I didn’t know when you were referring to at first.  Is really a pity things come to such a point, recalling how it was a year ago. Nonetheless, I am still grateful for all that you have taught me, done for me and I am sorry for any moment of disappointment. I know I cannot change anything now, but I still want to bless the path ahead, be it yours or mine.

In these 2 years, little did I expect to find people whom I trusted so much, confined so much with, opening me to the idea of friends @ work. In fact, people whom I will miss when I am aboard. At times, I hoped that time will just stop by at certain point / moment, but I guess better moments await us in future. I really hoped that if for whatever reason any of us need to go left side out, the relationships can still be maintained. (AMEN)

There are times when I tried hard but in vain, and certain relationship was spoilt in the process but there was also lesson learnt. At times, I think it was kind of a semi career suicide move maybe, but I guess given my character, even if things restart again, I will still strive for it. Even if I know in the end result is so, I will still strive hard for it, though I certainly think things can be handled better. To me, at least I have strived hard for it, so there are no regrets, felt like saying sorry to some people though. It is likely that 10 years down the road when I look back, I will laugh at myself for taking this so hard. Recalling that day, I think I acted as if I fell out of love. Hahahhaa

Despite what I said previously, I know one day when I leave here, it will be a tearful depart. I once thought here is the place where I will work for the rest of my life. Through many things, I know my time here is finite, for how long I do not know but I know it will not be for the rest of my career life. I sometimes yearn for a simpler life, however, sometimes things get complicated. It is not beyond my capabilities to handle it, it is just a matter of preference I guess.

At times, the thought of going back to become a simple web developer will just flash across my mind. I know life can be that simple, yet I chose to be in a more complex environment. I refuse to give up now, I know I can do more than that … I can learn more here and not just do what I already know.  

An ending marks a new beginning. How will it be like I wonder? Never expect myself to start here, a place that is totally new to me. Embrace and be ready for the challenges ahead! People here are pretty nice to me, and I am trying hard to learn as much as I can.

Something is puzzling me though, why do I not feel the same when I wake up every morning or when I was doing…? Where is that feeling that I once have … what is so different now? Finding my sense of belonging … where do I belong to?  Decided to take some actions to be a bit more pro-active. If you can’t move your heart to be there first, then do the action first and it might just bring you closer. 為前面的路﹐加油和努力吧! :)