Expectations & Leadership

Recently an intern joined our team and we been working on a couple of things together. As I am a permanent staff here so I guess people will tend to direct the information to me and I will then brief him and divide the work between the 2 of us with the his agreement of course…afterall he is not reporting to me.

Yesterday, there was some last minute urgent tasks and the meeting ended at 6pm which means it is unavoidable to OT for the night and also the need to work today which is a public holiday. However, I just can’t bring myself to ask an intern to work during a public holiday! Hahah … in the end I rushed most of the work last night and completed the rest in 3 hours today so that I still get my holiday. He offered help and even brought his laptop home … but I just thought why made an intern work OT. In my opinion, they should knock off on time and enjoy their holiday :)

But this reminded me of something else … a conversation I had about a year ago. Sometimes actually our boss might not have expected us to work on certain things (back then was some testing on weekend) … yet we TAs / interns always expected ourselves to be involve. In the end, we are probably just putting expectations on ourselves.

Back then, when I see things from my perspective, I always thought “it is OK ar, I am more than willing to come and help out” and also partly because I felt that as part of the team I should help out. Now seeing things from another perspective, I kinda understand why at times actually some bosses / seniors don’t really want us to be involved during weekends, they just want us to enjoy while we can.

In this 1-2 years, I also observed that a good leader is not just about being able to deliver projects, managing timeline etc. Managing a team includes noticing who are not blending in well into the team, who are showing signs of unhappiness, getting the right person to do the right task yet still trying to stike a balance across the team (people tend to depend on the most capable people the most causing an uneven spread of work) and the need to enhance the rapport in the team.

I weren’t a leader in most of my school life, ususally if there is leader candidate in the team I will prefer to seat back and just be an active member. I take up leadership role only when there isn’t any leader candidate or no one wants to be a leader. I shun away from monitor or counsellor/prefect role.  Though i know at times I was more like a leader than the actual leader because I was so active and trying so hard to drive things to success.

That mentality changed though, in later years in my uni. A project that screwed up causing me not getting the grades I expected puts me to think twice. Why leave the fate in others hand? Since then, the subsequent projects I started to volunteer as leaders. Asking people to work is not natural to me I must say, but is a good learning experience and at least things are in control I felt.

Now? I am not in a leadership role neither am I anywhere near. In fact, I am actually enjoying a team member role hiding behind the leads. Hahha…thats probably my comfort zone but I know as one progress on in life, you will need to take up more responsibility and inevitably a leadership role in future. I was told to be open about a management path not too long ago hahaha … I know I will when the time come but for now, I just want to dip myself deep into technical knowledge learning as much as I can ^__^

Posted in Self Improvement, Work | Leave a comment

Finances

Decided to do a “stock take” of my finances. Not surprised at my low saving for the past 1 year 9 months but surprised at my asset that I have when I was a student. Incomparison, my asset as an undergrad (including gain in market though) == what I saved in the last 1 year 9 months.

Really saved way too little though that does not include all my xyz insurance / financial plans.

The finances stock take also let me realised how much I have actually. Not bad I must say … hahah. Logged into my poems account after > 1 year, realised that apart from the little shares I hold, I actually still have a couple of thousands in it pending investment! Weeeeeeee…maybe I should start reading up again.

Recalling the days when I was actively monitoring the stock market, I wonder how many lectures did I actually bother to listen to …

- Observing stock prices every morning, during lectures …

- Reading companies annual report, reading prospectus, learning basic technical analysis, analyzing charts from Chart Nexus (resistence point and all the candles etc) …

I actually hesistated for quite sometime and it took my great courage to click the “OK” button to make the first investment in my life. Hahhaa

Recalling some exciting period:

- Earned ~$500 in 3 days for a great buy with a friend which we picked up the stock right before a rebounce.

- Earned $120 in 2 hour, speculating during lecture. I don’t even remember what lesson was that^^| Whole lesson I was just looking at things like this:

 stock market

 - Lost $300-$400 in a day for shorting the market during exam period! First time shorting and I told myself I will never short again! Cut lost on the same day and decided to focus on my revision. Thank god I still got my As for my exam^^|

- Lost 30% of my investment in a day or two … and another 30% in another a day or two. Hahah..nearly can’t sleep well for a couple of nights until I overcome it. That was when I experienced something near ”burned my finger” … ~60% of my asset just evaporated over a week or two!

- Entering the market at the bottom when everything seems so cheap yet I did have enough courage to buy more. Bought a little bit … which in the end helped me to break even.

Overall, I think I have some small gains in terms of monetary. My biggest gain is the experience (inclding the emotion trauma). If back then I did not lost $3-4K when I have $6-7K … I might end up losing $30-40K when I have $100K in future!

Next, a couple of things to sort out:

- Link my new bank acc to my tading account

- Sort out the transfer issue with my CIMB account to transfer some savings over and baseline my spending again.

- Probably start reading prospectus again! hhaha..need more descipline!

This time though, not aiming at short term investment but probably long term value investing :)

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GE 2011 Continued – 7 May 2011!

Less than 8 hours away from voting, still listening to rally by the opposition in my GRC. It is such a pity that I didn’t make it to any of the rally, nonetheless I still like to hear what they say. I was advised that the reports that we read through the general media stream may not be comprehensive enough thus watching online video might be better.

From the videos, I can see the huge crowd at the rally and how rar rar the crowd were. Sometimes I can’t help but to feel that the current govt’s position might be overtaken (very unlikely I guess). However, I wanted to listen to them not because I am pro-opposition, but rather because I know what the existing govt are doing and but do not know enough about the opposition thus I am listening to their rallies. Thus I believed many people who were there at the rally site might have the same metality as me too, therefore the big crowd crowd at the rally doesn’t implies high voting count for them.

I realised that hearing the rally allowed myself to know more about the party’s plan and idea, more than what was reported in mainstream media which more often than not left me thinking “it easier to say than done. How does the reduction in XYZ be substainable?”. Listening to rally unveiled the details and I actually think some of the ideas are logicial.

For example, govt salary should not be tagged to the top tier of the income range, they should take home X times (they mentioned 30 times) the median income. Why? Because the top tier of the income range more often than not may be accounted to the individual’s capabilities at the top which may not implies growth in the country / economy.   The opposition’s idea was that tagging it to the median income, govt has to ensure that our salary increases before their salary increases. Though the Maths works this way, I have a different thinking. I agree with the approach because I find that thats a better gauge of the economy growth and perhaps if the govt is doing well in this area.

I liked the idea that this speaker presented, unfortunately the next 2 candidates that I listened to disappoint me. It really turns me off when more than half the rally session was focusing on “shooting down” the other party. We are not here to listen to some scolding or blaming speech, tell me whats your plan and how you can do better is the KEY! … Though I must agree that the blaming / scolding did make the crowd “high”. Nonetheless, I look at the team as a whole not by the individual though that does +/- the impression a bit.

Didn’t get to hear more details about the housing prices, personally I think the HDB flats sold by govt should not be tagged to the market price. I understand the theory of demand v.s supply but you are building the HDB flats with our $$ and since the aim is to allow affordable housing to us, HDB flats for first timer who bought from govt should be sold at a lesser profit. I read that govt suffered $100 million losses every year on HDB flats / housing… I really find it hard to apprehand. A 4 room flat in my area cost ~$60,000 23 years back but now it cost near to $300K. The price of HDB flats raised by 5 folds or more, yet our salary did not even doubled. Thus I felt that the cost of building HDB flats should not have increased by 5 folds…so I cannot understand why govt is making a lost (unless that is a lost in opportunity cost, then yes I understand). I might be missing something here, feel free to shed some lights on this.

However, for resale market, it is reasonable to tag to market price as it is up to individual how much you want to sell your own property. Afterall, you bought it with your own $$ not using everyone’s $$.

Every 5 years when they give out $$ to us, it didn’t really excites me. Why? Those are our money and yet usually after the GE, GST and various HDB living cost will just shoot up. This is what we called “dou chew chu, jiat chew lip” in Hokkien (out from the left and in by the right). Actually, if I were to describe the people’s situation, is not out from the left and in by the right, is out from both left and right!!! Those $$ were from “us” anyway … and now we are paying more.

I am glad the current govt heard us and promised that there will not be any further GST increase over the next 5 years, at the same time I hope this doesn’t translate to higher electricity bill or higher town council charges. This at times really puts me to wonder if the check and balance that the opposition mentioned is indeed useful?

CPF wise, I still think it is a good initiative and those who complained about it are more often than not are people who needed it the most! Why? Because those who complained are frequently those who did not ( or were unable) to plan for retirement and do not have enough $$ to spent thus they wanted to touch on the money in CPF. If there isn’t CPF, I can imagine the state of these people to be worst. You may argue that if they don’t even have $$ to fed themselves now (e.g. age 55) then whats the point to talk about 10 years down the road (age 65). The truth is … if you are desperate for $$ now, you are most likely still able to work and actually at age 55 you do get 40% (or was it 60%?) of your CPF regardless how much you have in your CPF ordinary account (even if it did not meet the recommended “minimum sum” required in the  retirement account). If only at age 65 then you are at the state of no $$ no job, isn’t it worst to be forced to find a job and work then?

What if we don’t live beyond age 55 or 65? The fact is that the average lifespan of Singaporean Man and Woman is 79 and 82 respectively. There isn’t a plan to fit all, but it is definately a plan that fit most.

What about those who not only planned for their retirement and are able to fetch much higher return than the 2.5% interest given by the CPF Board? I don’t see the need for these people to overreact about CPF also. Why? Diversity in investment, just take this as some low risk (near to no risk unless the govt default) investment and/or savings. You most likely do not need these $$ anyway!

In short, for those who can’t plan, CPF is your saving grace and most likely you won’t be able to achieve the interest rate that they give by yourself. For those who can plan and invest, you most likely do not need the CPF $$ desperately, so why not just patiently wait till age 65? However, I do not agree to move the retirement age any further to beyond age 65! My dream is to retire by age 50 … though now it seems even more challenging since I haven’t been actively investing in last 2 years…what a waste!

Lastly, I do not see the need for the current govt to apologise for the floods and etc. Yes, you may not have forecasted the demand accurately but no one is perfect, you just need to admit that you have not done well but need not apologise. As for the flood, it was a natural disaster … and was resolved in hours which I think is reasonable. What the current MM did in the past was not wrong, at least in my opinion, he did what was necessary to bring us to our current state for the past X years. It is just that we are now no longer a third world country, thus the approach should be changed accordingly. Perhaps some of the approaches / policies set in the past needs a review but I don’t think it is nice to say negative things about him. Afterall, without him, we won’t be where we are today. I am a strong believer of learning is the way out of proverty which was his way to bring us to a first world country. (But of course, my support for which party will not take our dear MM into consideration as I also think he should take a break and rest now … everyone of us will need to let go at some point in time don’t we?).

I believed that existing govt will win > 50% of the seats, unless too many people voted with the mentality that PAP will win so it is OK to vote the opposition for the check and balance regardless of the party that they truely think can lead them for the next few years. However, I hope it is a marginal win … else I am unsure what does it says about all the rar rar-ness that has been going on for the past 10 days.

Less than 2 hours ago (you must be confused with my timing? Yes…I started writting last night and only managed to complete it now), I did my part as a Citizen, casted my sacred vote (投票是神聖的). Which party did I vote for? Hahaha….投票是秘密的 ^__^

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Good Friday is the Day!

On Good Friday  (22nd Apr 2011) … I finally pluck up my courage and told my parents that I have been going to Church and the change in my believe. Their reaction were sligtly better than what I anticipated. Surprised by mum when she said that she also almost became a Christian when she was in her teens because of her friends. As usual my dad mentioned about the 10% tithing…

Well…I know one is to imply that I might be influenced by friends while the other is to say that we will get brain washed to give tithing. However, one thing that apparantly never get through well enough is I have already changed my believe and not I am changing … my parents are still saying things like it is OK to go and listen but don’t “join” the Church. There is no such thing as “joining”. At first I thought of clarifying further, but I decided to take things step by step. At least they are not so against the idea of me going to Church Service.

Just 2 days ago, I told my mum that I am going to Church on Sunday and her reaction is “to go there to be brain wash ar?” … So she do think so too … Thus I shared with her that it is one’s own experience / believe, it is not brain wash and actually shared with her my revelations. One on recent happening in March and the other about the abalone (of course :) ). By sharing, she probably started to realise that I been going to Church for quite some time and not just recently :)

“What is the change in you after you started to believe in God?” A question that I was once asked … I answered back then but I think that was not all. Just now I wanted to “hide” away in my own room again when I suddenly saw my siblings watching this movie “Solomon Kane” … it mentioned about devil and of course God. Guess what? I sat down and watched with them ^^|

I realised … now I am naturally attracted to any show that talks about God, still look forward to watch the Passion of Christ :) As I observed this in myself, I started to think what else is different now?

Now, every time a good thing happened, I credit it to God. It can be from a friend, for e.g. few days ago big gal msg me to ask why was my name not in a particular course list? I realised that I might have forgotten to register though I have submitted the form and I quickly logon to register but the system reflected that it was full and do not allow new registration. I called immediately to the person in-charge and while waiting I prayed that I can still go as I am really keen in the course. Guess what? She told me there is still one more space! Hallelujah!  I thank big gal and I also thank God, for placing this friend by me (not just for this thingy of course) and also for having one more space for me :)

From a non-believer to a believer, I can understand the uncomfortable one will feel when someone suddenly shares the Gospel with you. Thus I don’t really feel comfortable at all to start this topic with non-believer. Yet, I observed that over the last few months…I have touched on the topic of God with a couple of friends. It was unplanned and the topic often than not started off with disbelieve in what I have become.

“What? You are a believer/Christian now? It’s so unlike you.” … something that I heard a couple of times over the last few months.

Yes … I always portray a nonchalant attitude towards religion and always a very strong self-believer, but I guess things have now changed. I see myself thanking HIM so very often. He has welcomed me into his kingdom while I have opened up my life to HIM. I am not a diligent believer though, till now, I have read < 1/3 of the Bible, half the healing book and half of Pastor Prince’s book. But I know it is OK, he will lead me to find out more about HIM. My little seed of faith will not make HIM love me less and it will just grow over time.

I pray for many many things, be it major or minor … from a pack of tissue, a pen to my friend’s medial checkup result/hand, my mum’s health, my brother’s health to my own knee issue. There is nothing too minor to be prayed for nor a problem with making too many requests. If you ask me now what’s my criteria for my other half? The most important thing is he must be a believer … it doesn’t mean he has to be one now though.

Although at times I still have doubts/evil thoughts appearing in my mind, I believed these are thoughts injected by devil (shoo… go away =.=) and prayed for such thoughts to go away. (AMEN!!!)

This is my walk with my abba Father, have you started yours?

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GE 2011 is here!

Finally, we have some excitment in our local election! Almost all of the areas are being challenged and I get to vote this year :) I don’t really know the opposition party here though.

I will start on a neutral basis and see what each party here has got to offer. I have heard many people complaining about the existing govt … especially when I was in Uni. One thing I observed, many who complained about existing govt comes from middle & above class families. For me, personally I have benefited quite abit with all the bursaries that were given to me. Also, i must say the shelter & etc were really well built! However, I noticed that one promise in an election seems to be frequently used across 2 elections. E.g. sports complex promised in last election was only completed recently. At the same time I also do not agree with some “unspoken” policies …e.g. certain areas has higher priority in upgrading.

However, are we missing the point here? Yes, there maybe areas that local govt are lacking in but what makes you think that the opposition is ready to do better? (note, not siding any party here, thats just my general feel).

The competition should not be focusing on what the current govt cannot do but rather what you (the opposition) can do (better).

Was reading some of the articles, I find some of the suggestion not quite realistics, e.g. reduce gst to 3%, halve utility fees and reduce transport fee by 20%. How realistic is that? There are reasons why these were at today’s rate, were those reasons reviewed? Or proposing achiving this by using 60 billions of existing reserves (a total of ~ 200/300 billions)? All these sounds to be like short term / temporary measures that cannot last.

It is easy to say to reduce this fee by half, that by 20%. However, the key is are these reduction substainable? If not, then that might even be side effects. No doubt I don’t quite agree with the increase in bills / tax after an election (as what we have experienced over the last few election).

Also, getting late for registration for such important activity is abit =________= … it just shows poor planning and organisation. How do we then be comfortable in letting your party manage our country? … this thought just naturally strike me. Nonetheless, hope to see the opposition getting stronger and more organise to be able to put up a strong fight, allowing us to move towards a more democratic country.

Individual candidate wise, Nichole Seah is really very much an ideal candidate…this youtube video is good :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMW0ZIroCOY

I am kinda  disappointed with Ms Tin … in contrast, I hear what Nichole is saying and I think she is very much into understanding the needs of the ground level and I can feel the passion and empathy in her! At only age 23, she has such view, I think thats pretty decent for an election candidate :) But too bad, both of them are not from my area. Wonder what will contestants of my area propose :)

In conclusion, I shall see more and hear more before I cast my “sacred” vote :)

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An exciting & eventful day ^__^

 2-3 weeks ago, お姉さま says she wanted to go to Sentosa’s Megazip, the full package including Climbmax, Northface and Parajump. So I suggested to have this for her birthday treat :)

Finally, the day came and together with her friend and her friend’s husband, all four of us set off at 9.45am for the Megazip Adventure Park!

 We started with ClimbMax, followed by ParaJump, NorthFace (rock climbing) and lastly Megazip.

Jump!

Why is the plank shaking even before I step onto it? ... How am I going to jump that far?!

woah....I shall not fall side way!!! Pulling myself back hard :)

woah....I shall not fall side way!!! Pulling myself back hard :)

Got entangled >.< (ps in my heart: why the h*ll am I playing this!!!~~)

Got entangled >.< (ps in my heart: why am I playing this!!!~~) Luckily お姉さま was there to help me. Felt so accomplished after completing it ^_^

So tired, taking a break ...

Was so tired that I took a break ... 3-4 storeys above ground ^^|

 

Ready ... 1,2,3 ... Jump! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Ready ... 1,2,3 ... You Jump, I Jump! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Spider sisters

Spider sisters

 

 

Jumping Megzip without my shoes!

Jumping Megazip without my shoes ... cause it dropped out twice while I was climbing the wall.

Guess what? During the first jump…upon jumping i accidentally stopped the recording on the camera that I was holding unknowningly! In the end both of us paid another $10/pax to jump again…this time making sure the recording was on-going :)

After that went to Vivo for late lunch.

Lunch at Kim Gary

Lunch at Kim Gary

Cheese Potatooooooo!!!

Cheese Potatooooooo!!!

Trying to win a Rilakuma's lottery for my sister ... too bad didn't manage to win the Ko Rilakuma but at least I got the 2nd prize - slippers ^_^

Trying to win a Rilakuma's lottery for my お姉さま... too bad didn't manage to win the Ko Rilakuma doll but at least I got the 2nd prize - slippers ^_^

After that…rushed down to Yi Shun for 2nd round of birthday celebration with theGanG.

theGanG "family" theGang – “Family Photo”

 Played pool + photo hunt while waiting for available lanes for bowling!!!

When is the last time we played pool ???

When was the last time we played pool ???

After pool was the Bowling showdown!!!

Bowling Challenge - Guys vs GalsGuys vs Gals

Bowling - Guys vs Gals

 Just wait, we will come back for “revenge” !!! ^__^

 

New style of birthday cake & candles!
New style of birthday cake & candles!

Its been a while since we played like this. A great day! Although I woke up the next day with every inch of my body aching in pain!

In the end … went with my sis for 1 hour full body massage the next day + she fell sick on Monday! Omg … think we are getting a bit too old for such activities ^^|

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Friends…

Do you have a best friend? Yesterday someone asked me who is my best friend…

… before I start the details … I just realised today someone actually thought I was crying yesterday. Gosh, think next time I must be careful of what i eat and the topic we are in? If I indeed feel like crying because of the topic, you will not see tears flow down … me being me will hold it back like mad. Never like crying in front of people lah, is the sambal chilli too spicy lah! Alamak … enjoyed eating such spicy chilli though :)

Ok … back to the main topic. How do I define a best friend? I gave it some thoughts last night but my answer is still … “feelings”. I am not able to come up with a logical reason also … if u ask me. Unknowningly … this person just “quietly” became one… without me realising.

I was told that if the feeling is not mutual then it is not best friend, then what shall it be called? I know somewhere in this world I can find friendship of mutual feeling yet I will still not be able to say that person is my best friend as I know someone else out there has high priority than him/her. And at the same time I will still want to do certain things willingly. “值得嗎” … one may ask … 就算你問我一百次。。。答案同樣會是。。。值得。 人有時其實就是這麼傻 ^^|

As a Libra, I have always wanted many things to be fair & square. Ironically, me myself have a super unfair ruler. My ruler of friends…every friend means something different to me and yes I am not able to give the same priority to everyone. If you think I will do many things for many people … you are wrong. To me, there are different level of friends, not all I am willing to help/do things for them willingingly.

Just like … I can charge someone X thousand dollars to do a website and yet at the same time I can do it free, if you are worth doing so in my ruler. That is my ruler …

I also have a couple of unique friendships … a friend of mine will see the other side of me once a few months … is that the real me or just a split personality of me I also dunno. But I like to keep it this way … 只有他看得到 :) If you ask me, this friend is probably not my best friend but definately a special friend of mine. Our own private wild time, they only belong to us :)

Another unique friendship is with my overseas friends…we may not meet so very often. We may not be able to chat online daily like what we used to do 10 years ago. But I will still want to fly over every now & then just to see them and give them a hug! Hugging … something that I picked up a few years ago :)

Very sleepy and I can’t continue anymore … below is a nice song that accompanied me while I was writing:

A Place In This World lyrics

I don’t know what I want
So don’t ask me ’cause I’m still trying to figure it out
Don’t know what’s down this road
I’m just walking, trying to see through the rain coming down

Even though I’m not the only one who feels the way I do

I’m alone, on my own and I’m starting off
I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, oh, but life goes on
Oh, I’m just a girl trying to find a place in this world

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
And I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Can you tell me what more do I need

And tomorrow’s just a mystery, oh, yeah, but that’s okay

I’m alone, on my own and I’m starting off
I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, oh, but life goes on
Oh, I’m just a girl trying to find a place in this world

Maybe I’m just a girl on a mission but I’m ready to fly

I’m alone, on my own and I’m starting off
Oh, I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, oh, but life goes on
Oh, I’m alone, on my own and I’m starting off
Oh, I’m just a girl trying to find a place in this world

Oh, I’m just a girl
Oh, I’m just a girl
Oh, I’m just a girl

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Have a little faith – Continue

Shall continue to talk about this book “Have A Little Faith” by Mitch Albom.

Extract from the book:
There is a sales person, knocking on the same door, offering the wares with a smile. Until one day, the customer gets so fed up with the sales person’s persistence and he spits in his face. The sales person took out a handkerchief, wipe the spit away and smile again and say, “It must be raining”.

How many times have such person knocked on your door? For me, I certaintly have. I may not know that I have spit … in the face of faith / love. Now I know … though at times I still walk away from these two … sometimes we just take things for granted.

Still can’t believe … I am someone who years ago sat at an open house and reasoned with a Christinity club member … till he have nothing to say and I walked away thinking I have the upper hand. I walk away from HIM so many times but thank GOD … you never gave up on me :)

Extract from the book:
You can’t work your way into heaven. Anytime you try and justify yourself with works, you disqualify yourself with works.

This is so true, it just reminds me of what I read in another book … you can’t make God love you more … neither will your act make HIM love you less. However, reading Mitch’s book, I kinda sensed that Pastor Henry (another key person in the book) still live in some parts of his past. Hope someday he gets to read books by Grace Preacher and like what Pastor Prince said today … We live in Present, don’t live in guilt nor remorse, that is like living in the past. Neither should you live in fear nor worry, live for today not yesterday nor tomorrow :)

The book also mentioned about the Rabbi’s daughter … who past away at age of 4. While he was upset, he mentioned that he was given great 4 years with his daugther and that is better than none. When bad things happened, we always look at things from a negative angle…have we tried looking from another angle?

Overall, I liked the book, though there are times it reminds me of some sad things and many times I still wonder whats so different between the Rabbi’s believe (Judaism) and my believe. I concluded that we both believe in the same God but I believe in the work of Christ and they don’t.

========================

Next … my Japanese class ended, is amazing that I scored 88 marks…still wondering how did it happened. Think I stunned the sensei a bit :) Right before the test, I felt as if nothing was going into my brain! I couldn’t even memorize the two different forms properly (conditional and passive form). Somehow, I just felt that I was not abosrbing whatever I was mugging. Nonetheless…thank god I passed my written and listening test! Hope I pass my oral as well!

Now, I no longer have any excuse for going out on Sunday. I feel is time I should let my parents know about the change in my believe. Apart from the no excuse…most importantly, now I feel I will be able to stand by my faith, whatever they ask or say. Many times … at Service, I wished my Mum was there with me … I will accompany her to Hokkien Service, I always tell myself this :) Though my family are not believers, I still partake holy communion on their behalf, praying for their healing, for both my Mum and my brother.

Still, don’t know how I should break the news to them, but I shall do it within April. I shall pray about it!

Today, pastor also mentioned about grabbing non believers when the Messiah come again. What a great idea, if that day come before people who are dear to me are converted, I shall grab them hard … with me, I will grab as many as I can :)

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Lastly, I got a call on Friday…someone asked when my rotation ends. The caller refused to tell me why the question was asked. This leads me to wonder … is something awaiting me in July? Should such opportunity (not sure if I should call this opp?) really come in July … what should I do, I wonder? I fought so hard to go to where I want to be … now … if it is opportunity on the side way, how should I handle it? I am definately not ready to move to side way yet … but which is the correct decision? Anyway … I shall not worry about this until it comes…just like what was mentioned in the Service today, live in PRESENT!

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Have a little faith

1 week ago, a friend lend me this book “Have a little faith” by Mitch Albom and I joked that it gonna take months for me to finish it.

Guess what? I enjoyed the time that I quietly read the book while listening to “Believe” :)   Less than a week, I am only10% away from finishing the book. As I read, occasionally i will refer abit to the bible, I will think about my daddy “upstairs” and for some reason, I will think about my grandfather.

The Reb in the book turned old and at times encountered illness and at one point he was so sick that he can’t even speak properly. Reading that part was heart wrenching…it reminds me of my ah Gong.

I recall how i hugged him while he was lying there on the bed, skinny and “shrunk”, i recall the last few moments that I had with him, he couldn’t really speak. Looking into his eyes, I can see him mourning in pain and yet couldn’t really say anything. Why you would ask, why would God let someone so kind and so wise to suffer such pain. I have no answer … but I thank God … for some unknown reason I was restless and went to see him on the night before he left us even though I was tired and have to work the next day morning.

I hugged him, which is not a common action for us … I smiled  infront of him and weeped when he can’t see me. The next day when I heard the news, I just run to the back of the office and cried my heart out there…

At the same time, I am glad God take him away quickly which stopped the pain he was in … in the last few days when he could speak no more. Is a pity he could not see me graduate, but nonetheless, I guess I was given more time than I can ask for…and have no regrets.

…..

Ops… I sidetracked, wanted to write about a phrase in the book and somehow I am lost in my remembrance of my favourite ah Gong :)

Wanna share with all this phrase that I read from the book:

“God did not create bad things”….Because from the beginning God said, “I’m gonna put this world into your hands. If I run everything, then thats not you.” So we were created with free will…

I find this answering some of our questions but yet when I try to match back to the bible…I can’t find it. So not sure if this is correct, but i kinda agree with the free will part. Everything created was good, but is our freewill that turned certain things bad or not as good.

Ok too sleepy…shall continue to write more when I finished the book. I like the Reb inside :)

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Ended my stint @ SM

Wanted to post this on Friday but was not able to complete the post due to my headache…

Time flies and its been 3 months since I joined the team. A very stretched unit also … there were days that I went back on decent times but there were also days that I just spent day & night handling incidents, crafting replies and felt as if my phone rang non-stop. There were also many times, I speak in a way that I never did in the past 1.5 years before I joined this team. There were also times when my empathy just ran crazy and I felt horrible when I have to chase people whom I know hasn’t been sleeping (or slept well) for days for some work which in my view…is not that important (but well … just in my eyes … but I know not true for some people).

It was also there … that I break ( not the first time) but for the first time in the office, in front of people ~~>.<~~ … Need to learn to have more control over my emotions and be stronger.

The part I find most exciting in this unit is the incident handling part. There were a couple of times I was on 2 phones … or even 2 conference call! But…if you ask me, I still prefer to be the person solving the problem than the person standing behind asking for updates :)   Crafting and revising an email reply / report ten times is just not me.

The team chemistry is pretty good also, the four of us took turn to cover each other during long lasting incidents and going on roster. What touches my heart most is the care and concern from A! Since that day, we will bbm each other occassionally encouraging words or asking each other to go back when we know the other party is still in the office at late hours :)

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 After the “drama” last week … things seems to be on some 180 degrees turn this week! First it was L who asked me if I will consider staying here after my rotation. In fact L was very very confident that they can manage to make me here before July. As early as April i guess :)

Felt a little like Deja Vu (see I am spelling it correctly now :) ) … history seems to be repeating, a TA rotating out  and there is a staff leaving within the team again. The differences in this round is that another team was chosen :) I am both surprised and happy to hear the offer, because it is like a confirmation of my effort here. Surprised was because I thought I screwed up last week…everything seemed to be crumbling back then and now the sun is out, the storm seemed to be over! I told L frankly about it, and he said he uses a different ruler from “upstairs”, he measure me as a team member and my weakness in EL can be improved over time (really? At times I felt as if it is a in born deficiency … LOLOL…nonetheless I shall try to improve it!)

On top of the offer from L, I was called suddenly to meet the big boss for 18 minutes! I wondered whats with the 18 minutes but for a moment I thought it may be a bashing session because of the mistake last week because I was informed someone just got bashed the day before because of that. It turned out another surprise, on top of L … someone from the same team actually requested to big boss for me to stay in his team also. I was stunned!

What’s most amazing is … the place that Big Boss wants me to be in. Thoughout the last 3 months, I felt that they did not like the idea of putting me where I want but because I was so openly and desperately trying to be there, they have no choice but to give it to me. 1-2 months ago, when i was given the word “I know where you want to go and I will see to it”, I was very happy but I also remembered the condition that came after that … “but if 2 years later we decide to put you elsewhere … ” and of course I said I will be open to it. Back then it felt as if we did a trade off. Still happy but I have always remembered that condition at the back of my mind.

So I was shocked when he thought I may have a change of mind and emphasised so strongly (and so many times^^|), where he wanted me to be … hahaha. I am so happy! Previously I blogged about I never get to know where is the most suitable place that my boss think it is for me to be in… but now I know and it is a perfect answer to me.

I was asked previously by KM, if she removed Big Gal, MS and IR from the team and placed 3 of my most dislike person there, will I still join the team. I find this a weird question but hearing this I know … KM still think that I was lead by my emotion to where I want to stay and maybe still think that I was immature or so …

Yes, I am emotional… however, when it come to such decision, I decided knowing where I want to go and what I want to do, though it is short term and not a long term thingy (in a long term horizon…not even sure if I should limit myself to see within here only). I chose here, because I liked the work here and I am a strong believer of doing things that are of interest to you … I picked what I liked to study and work … always believed that if you do something you like, you will do well in it even if you are not talented. But of course, the people there is also very important, I see people whom I can learn from and that is important, to learn and grow. If you place 3 of my most dislike person here…how are we going to work together? Thus I find the question weird.

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For the past one week, I been listening to “Believe” on a daily basis, repeating it X times on my mp3. The following phrases just kept repeating in my heart & mind:


You are strong enough in my weakness

Lord be magnified


Stronger than my shame
Greater than my pain
Your love will never fail

I will believe

 

Things seems to just take a turn by itself this week. I am amazed, looking back, I prayed helplessly not knowing how to resolve these.  All I can say is … THANK GOD + AMEN!

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